The 7 Signs of Personal Growth

On the road to your “favorite you”, it’s common to revolve through a truckload of various emotions. Some of these are gut-check opportunities, to re-evaluate if you’re truly on the right path- if you’re following your heart, or if you’re just following your own marching orders, out of habit. But sometimes, these emotions are road blocks, brick walls- challenges meant to deter the uncommitted, and challenge the passionate. It’s easy to mistake these emotions as signs to throw in the towel. We assume NO ONE else that has found the success we’re after has experienced these growing pains, and if it were really our meant-to-be path, it wouldn’t be so frustratingly hard.

We’re also programmed as humans to primarily see the challenges. It’s much harder to look (or feel) the progress, than it is the problems. You already know the road blocks, so let’s check out the sure-fire signs that you are, indeed, on the way to being the rock star you envision:

1.    You feel like you’ll never know as much, or be as awesome as (fill in the blank)

Anyone that ever yearned for more has compared their journey to that of someone else. We may be completely committed to being 100% original, and breaking the proverbial mold, but it doesn’t stop us from saying, “Well…so and so did such and such. If they can do that, I can DEFINITELY do this”. Just as it’s impossible to avoid a comparison of experiences, it’s equally impossible to not, at some point, feel completely and utterly defeated by your part-role model/part competitor. You probably won’t feel it all the time, but every now and then, when you’re in the throws of trying to figure out how or where you’ll leave your mark, you’ll feel like you will never live up to the model image or circumstance you have in your head. You might sulk and may even find some solace in a bar of dark chocolate (something I’ve never done!), but you will ultimately circle back to the conclusion that the most valuable asset you have to offer the world is the art of being YOU, and no one, not even Oprah or the President or the most successful CEO/weight loss achiever/movie star can do THAT.

2.     Friendships Change

Anyone who’s undergoing the incredibly painful process of personal growth knows that it changes everything. One of the most challenging hurdles you are likely to face is when your friends that have always been AMAZING suddenly suck, or when friends that have always been SUCKY are suddenly amazing.  As you grow, it is a fact that not everyone can grow with you, which means sometimes, growing away from relationships that are more comfortable with you being stagnant. Your friends that have always “loved you the way you are” (read: on their level), have a fraction of their subconscious that does not want you to succeed. That probably sounds harsh, maybe even a bit dramatic. But it’s true. If you change, they have only these choices: Change with you, accept your change and stay the same, or forget you ever existed. All of these are impossibly hard, especially when most often, we’re not aware of what’s driving our resentment, just that it exists. On the other side of the same coin, as you start to settle into who you’re meant to be, you’ll feel like people start coming out of the woodwork. You’ll be quick to dismiss these people as “users” or “flakes” that don’t deserve you- “If they didn’t love me the way I was, they don’t deserve me the way that I am”. That’s fine, it’s your prerogative. But you’ll potentially miss out on good people that support your goals and dreams. The assumption is that the intent of the “moochers” is just that- to suckle your success. But often, these new friends come out of the woodwork because they recognize something in you they either didn’t see before and do now, or see in you something they would like to see in themselves. In short, you inspire them. Take it as a compliment. And for the friends that want you anchored in the shallow end when you’re dying to go deep, keep them in your life on your terms, if you can. If you can’t, let them go. They were never a friend of yours, anyway- just a friend of your subpar circumstances.

3.     Your Priorities Shift

Maybe you don’t care anymore if your impossible-to-impress boss is blown away by your analytical abilities, or you trade corporate budgeting for beefy conversations with the motorcycle-riding, tattooed sandwich delivery guy. Maybe your once can’t-miss Law and Order SVU episodes are (happily) replaced with brainstorming and soul searching. Perhaps the dinner date with your girlfriends has been trumped by sweating it out at spin class. When you’re on the right path, you make sacrifices, but the crazy part is- they don’t feel like sacrifices anymore. It’s been all over facebook and pinterest: “Those that want it, find a way. Those that don’t, find an excuse”. And it’s true. There are people that work 3 jobs, while raising kids, AND getting fit, AND pursuing their passion. If they have the vision of a better life, they will find a way to juggle it- It will feel busy, sometimes chaotic or overwhelming, but success and whatever it takes to get there will become a non-negotiable priority. If they’re not dedicated, and it’s just a holding pattern without a purpose, they’ll forget about it. When you crave growth more than you crave pizza/stability/anything, you will know you’re on your way (even if you’re not yet at your final destination).

4.     People Think You’re Crazy (and they’re right)

In my own growth, I’ve literally been told- out loud- that I’m crazy countless times. The general population doesn’t understand how or why you’d want to challenge yourself beyond your current capabilities. To be one of those people- the ones that have it all together, the ones that achieve, the ones that inspire- you have to break outside the norm, because the reality of it is, the average Joe Schmoe does not aspire to do what you do. To think you can live an “ordinary” life, with “ordinary” thought processes, and somehow do something extraordinary is the true crazy. If you’re not causing a stir at the water cooler or making your family question your mental health, that’s when you should start wondering if you’re just not growing enough.

5.     You Suck at Something, and You’re OK with It

When we’re not living true to our purpose and our ultimate goal, we are quick to defend our shortcomings, and try to defy them. “You think I can’t run?? FINE! I’m going to train for a marathon!”, “I’m not good at details??? OK! Watch me file this paperwork like a boss!”, “Oh- really? You think I’m disorganized??? I’m going to alphabetize my pantry and arrange my closet by color!”. The second someone tells us we’re not good at something, even if it’s something we didn’t care about, it becomes a priority to prove them wrong. This happens when we are in a reactive state. When you’re following your goal, you’re in a proactive state because you’re working for something, instead of against something else. It changes everything. When you’re proactive, you know what you care about, and what will or won’t contribute to your success, so the criticisms (sharp as they may be) about the crap that isn’t on your radar, stays just that: off your radar. Instead of reacting by trying to remediate the criticism, you respond by highlighting the awesomeness that you are consciously working on or concerned about, and the value you possess that others may not have even had an opportunity to see: “You think I can’t run? Yeah, you’re right. But have you seen me conquer kickboxing?”, “I’m not good at details? That’s fair. But man, my conversations with people are life-changing.”, “I’m disorganized? True. But I sure as heck have an eye for decorating!”  If you’re focused on what you actually are, and what you want to do, the things other people want you to be and do just don’t matter. In fact, more often than not, when you’re psyched about what you already are, you easily sell people on that too, and by the end of their ultra-authentic interactions with you, they’ll be wondering why they didn’t know you were a master kickboxer, a buzzing conversationalist or an HGTV-worthy design star.

6.     You’re Letting Someone Down

Yeah, this kind of goes hand-in-hand with the friendships changing, but on a deeper level. When I started Crossfit in January, I called my mom with tears in my eyes. It wasn’t about how challenging it was (and it was), or how badly I wanted to change (I did), but instead, it was about feeling awful that my 9 month old would miss out on family dinners, since the only Crossfit class that accommodated my work schedule was during the dinner hour. I face similar struggles every day, in order to work on the things I know I have to, to be successful. And even when I do them for the greater good of my son, my husband, my career, my family, (etc, etc), the guilt of not being able to be all things to all people can feel overwhelming. The truth is, personal growth is just that: Personal. Other people are included in, and affect, your journey, but the journey is your own. That means that sometimes you will be perceived as selfish. And that stings- especially when it’s thought in relation to your children and being an inadequate parent. But the reality is, you’re no good to anyone if you’re not the best version of yourself you can be. Do you want your kid to achieve? To be happy? To follow their calling? Of course you do! So, how in the world would you expect them to know that and more importantly INTERNALIZE it if they don’t see their parent doing it for themselves? Guilt is probably the ickiest of all the unavoidable emotions you will encounter, but it serves no one. Have the occasional pity party for one, then don’t apologize for allocating your time as you need to. Make your fitness/career/dream a priority when you can, and then be a kick-ass, involved mother/father/wife/husband/daughter/son/friend, etc when you’re in that role. If you can master the art of staying present, wherever you are, whoever you’re with, and whatever your focus is at that moment, you will find that your impossibly busy schedule motivates you to be more emotionally invested, and allows you to be less resentful than if you were asked to give up on yourself or your dreams in exchange for something you’re “supposed” to do or be.

7.     You Feel It

This is the obvious one- the one we expect to show up first, and most often shows up only after our ambitions have been mercilessly tested. When you’re on your way, the mojo is cranking. It manifests in every part of your being, your circumstances, and your relationships and you couldn’t separate it if you wanted to (and you don’t). When you’re truly invested in your dream, you see the “after” to your “before”, but deeper than that; you start living your after. You want a strong, fit, sexy body? You start to feel that you are all those things, long before the outside world is privy to seeing it. You are turned on by making a difference in the world and want to change the paradigm of your industry? You start to (on a small scale) act as if you already are paradigm-changing. Your body language is involved, excited, joyous. Your conversations are rich, thought-provoking and satisfying. Your romances are equal parts hot, committed and flirty. Your friendships are flourishing and fit you just right. When you’re who you like to be with, you can only attract and become more of what you’d like to be. Not only will there not be room for anything else, but you won’t even recognize anything else as an option. People will notice—what they’ll notice, they won’t be able to pinpoint, but they will notice. And you will know that you are on the track to showing the world all that you are, all that you’ve always been, and all that you’re yet to be.